You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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