opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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