I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
the liver wants what the liver wants
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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