the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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