Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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