I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
handjob tips. give me some.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
