Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
