i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
