I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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