Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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