omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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