Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
