PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Someone shit on the floor
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
