Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize