I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I yelled at your uterus for you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
