Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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