I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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