I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
