Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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