I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
