I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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