Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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