Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
