Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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