Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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