Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
