C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
