I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
