do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
