the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
