I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
40s are totally the cure
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
