how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
