So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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