Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
