I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
