My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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