and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Randomize
