the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Text me some of your sweat
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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