im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
