You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
