she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
