My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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