He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
