it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
