google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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