He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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