Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
