You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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