I am puke
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
