I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
me + whiskey = a bad person
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
