She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
