Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
