also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
