woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
They have beer where we have blood.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize