my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
