You're my little dorito
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
