after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
