ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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