so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
