i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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