my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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