wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
