Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My legs feel like baby dolphins
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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