I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
