He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
